“Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s okay. The journey changes you; it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you. Hopefully, you leave something good behind.” – Anthony Bourdain

Anthony Bourdain inspired so many, especially in the culinary and travel industries. He inspired us with his passion for food, travel, culture, and people. He was an honest storyteller who challenged what I assumed, opening my eyes to see the beauty and history of a place beyond a tourist view. I appreciate the journeys he took us on through his show. We wanted to be like the Anthony we saw in public: open, adventurous, kind, and fearless. I’m sure he wasn’t a perfect person – he told us about his demons and he was human – but I like to believe he was a good person. I didn’t know him personally and never met him, but the human I saw inspired me and will continue to do so.

We were in shock that a man we thought was so down-to-earth, connected, and grateful would choose to take his life. We experience this in our personal relationships too. We think we know someone, but we realize we don’t. The truth is mental illness has many forms and is a disease that is relentless, no matter how happy, loved, blessed, and grateful someone seems. As with any disease, it doesn’t pick and choose between people based on the amount of wealth, fame, health, and blessings. You can be and do all the right things and the disease can still win. You can have it all and still, the disease tells you you’re not enough and that there’s no other way to make things right but to leave the world. Pain, unworthiness, humiliation, and helplessness are a few things people who fight may feel. I can’t begin to imagine the depth of that place.

Fighting mental illness is not as simple as “snapping out of it,” doing things you love, or finding a reason to live. From my understanding, it’s caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, which changes the way a person thinks, and in some cases, prevents a person from making sound decisions. Mental health should be treated the same way as we diagnose someone with Alzheimer’s or cancer. We don’t brush off people that need help or shame them for having a disease, why do we look at mental illness differently?

If You Need Help

Please call the National Suicide Prevention Line at 1-800-273-8255 or chat with someone on the website.

You can also text the Crisis Text Line at 741741.

Visit Psychology Today for a list of therapists.

To those who struggle, summon an ounce of courage to find help, be it a phone call to a hotline, a stranger in the grocery store, or a friend you haven’t talked to in a while. Maybe an ounce can show you a way you hadn’t thought of yet. It’s not weak to ask for help.

You are loved and matter more than you realize, more than your mind wants you to think. We can’t begin to know or understand what you are going through but we are trying to be there for you and walk with you through the darkness. We’ll keep our eyes open and be extra sensitive to your changes. We will keep asking how you are, we’ll keep calling, we’ll keep trying to reach you.

Where do we go from here?

Loss plagues us, leaving the world dimmer, our lives darker, and our hope more fragile. Death shouldn’t be a scary subject, it’s a part of life. But when someone chooses to leave, it creates a deep hole that threatens to pull in everyone who gets close.

Be kind because you never know what struggles someone is going through. Stay connected and check in on the people in your life, even if they seem strong or tell you they’re fine. Don’t hide from tough conversations. It’s tireless and heart-breaking and necessary. Maybe if we allow ourselves to be more vulnerable, allow our feelings out in the open, and change the way we think, express, and react, we can be better humans.

• We love people harder. Be willing to listen, to take them to the doctor, and to check in.
• We celebrate and honor the people who left too soon.
• We try to understand mental illness better. We read books, listen to the news, attend events, and talk to friends.
• We don’t shy away from the awkward and hard conversations.
• We won’t be afraid to ask “are you ok” to a friend or stranger who looks like they need help.
• We are honest about how we feel. It’s ok to not be ok.
• We are thoughtful about what we say. These are real illnesses with difficult outcomes. Don’t joke about being OCD because you’re tidy or describe moody people as being bipolar. Don’t use the phrase “I want to kill myself” when you’re faced with a boring or annoying situation or person.
• We support organizations that are working towards changing policy, funding research, and providing resources.

Honoring Anthony Bourdain

If you want to get to know Anthony Bourdain and relish in the work he left behind, here are some links you should check out. If you have Netflix, Anthony Bourdain’s show Parts Unknown is fabulous.

• The essay he wrote about his childhood
• Tribute to how he told the truth
• Tribute to how his cookbooks touch us
• Collection of tributes from the culinary industry

Resources to Understand Mental Illness, Depression, and More

Books – Memoirs

• Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig
• Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things by Jenny Lawson
• Everything is Horrible and Wonderful by Stephanie Wittels Wachs

Books – Nonfiction

• Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions by Johann Hari
• Notes on a Nervous Planet by Matt Haig
• The Kevin Show by Mary Pilon

Books – Fiction

• Turtles All The Way Down by John Green
• It’s Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini
• Everything Here is Beautiful by Mira T. Lee
• The Astonishing Color of After by Emily X.R. Pan
• History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera

*See more book recommendations here

On the Web

• TED Talks: Here and Here
• Modern Loss Website
• 10 Podcasts About Mental Health
• This Instagram account
• Information from the National Institute of Mental Health
• NPR article about the stats
• Infographic PDF about U.S. Mental Health Facts
• Kate’s Story
• This post from my friend Terra

Have any recommendations on resources or anything you want to share? Write a comment below!

P.S. It’s ok to have feelings. Take a look at this post about living through the sadness.

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The post Asking for Help and Learning About Mental Health appeared first on Fearless Captivations.

The last couple of months, I’ve been drawn to the general themes of personal development, finding your true self, and figuring out who you are. So, these first notes (honestly a hodgepodge of thoughts) relate to exploring your life, rediscovering yourself, and aligning yourself with what truly matters to you.

What is Self-Care?
Treat yo’self, they say. The most tangible things seem to be going to get a pedicure or stopping by a bakery for a cupcake, but what it should really mean is being able to be your true self without guilt, stress, or constraint. Self-care isn’t a reward. It’s the habits that brighten up your life every day. This article explains it a little more.

Heartbreak and Longevity
I’ve been observing and thinking about why people end their marriages or decide to stay. Uncoupling can be heart-breaking, especially if there are kids involved. Sometimes the cause is infidelity, for others, it’s simply because time changes people and relationships are fragile. You can’t predict the person you will become but you hope you’ll grow in the same direction, parallel with your partner.

Maybe growing parallel is even scarier than infidelity. Infidelity will leave you wondering if those characteristics or the potential of the actions were there all along or if the person you loved changed along the way. But growing parallel is like running a race with a partner, checking in every step, stopping at the same water stops and checking each other’s mindset all along the way. What if your partner decides they are too tired and want to quit running? What if he/she decides she wants to go off-course?

It’s a lot to juggle. How do you honor your partner and honor your own dreams and desires on top of everything life throws at you? Who are you when you’re part of a team?

Losing and Finding Yourself
This article was a good read about one woman’s journey as a wife and mom. Sometimes we take on so many labels – girlfriend, mom, marketer, teacher, wife – we forget who we are as ourselves. We focus on fulfilling those roles, caring for others, and being who others want us to be that we forget to invest time and energy into who we want to be and what drives us outside of those roles.

This also makes me think about what it’s like to take on the new role of parent. A child sometimes becomes the ultimate focus and purpose in one’s life. Is there a self beyond being a parent? A fear of becoming a parent is losing the person you are because of your priority shifts. The shift can result in becoming a better version of yourself, but what if it doesn’t? How do you find and maintain yourself while fulfilling the responsibilities of a parent?

Evolution
It’s typical after a big life change that one would question who they were and what they value. Big life changes could be a devastating heartbreak, a new baby, a physical move, or a job change, among other things. While you may revel in the opportunity to start fresh, you may question if everything before this point mattered at all. We’re always evolving, hopefully into the best version of ourselves.

I keep thinking, wow, I’m such a different person from who I was five to ten years ago. I cringe thinking about who I was, but I’m thankful I’ve grown and matured from who I was. This evolution, the result, and the timeline, looks different for everyone, but I hope you are a different person from who you are for the better. We’re always one decision away from changing our lives.

This is one of my favorite illustrations of this thought! (I’m not sure the origin of this.)

What really matters
In my 20s, I experienced the “quarter-life crisis.” I didn’t know what I really wanted to do, though I think it stemmed from having so many choices and the opportunity to do whatever I wanted. I think this sentiment, this yearning for clarity, was always there and will always remain, but the focus has shifted to how I want my life to matter and how I will make a difference. I have the opportunity to make the world a better place. How can I use my skills?

Ultimately, I hope we are not defined merely by our job titles but the way we show up for the things that matter to us, be it family, friends, job or a cause. We may not be able to measure it by dollars made or hours billed but I hope it’s through the knowledge that we brought depth to our lives and valued quality over quantity. Maybe that’s savoring our baby’s childhood. Maybe it’s all the nights we spend laughing with friends. Maybe it’s campaigning tirelessly for our values. Maybe it’s the clients we truly listened to. Tangible goals are fun because you can check them off and see their progress, but I hope we live a life proud of who we are when we show up for ourselves and for others.

Abby Wambach’s Barnard Commencement Speech
If you need some encouragement, I recommend giving Abby Wambach’s commencement speech to Barnard a read. On top of advocating for women to demand more from the world, she reminded graduates to build up the people behind them, hoping their accomplishments are only stepping stones for even greater accomplishments for future generations. She also reminded me that the labels we and others put on us are not the only way we go through life. The role we lead might change but our beliefs and our goals can stay the same.

And here are some other interesting stories and links I want to share this month!

50 Lawns in 50 States
I love this mission! In 2017, Rodney Smith Jr. traveled to all 50 states to mow lawns for the elderly, disabled, single moms, and veterans for free! This year, he is doing it again, and in addition to mowing lawns, he’ll be teaching kids lawn mower safety, encouraging others about community service, and inspiring others to mow lawns of people in their neighborhood. There are already kids signed up all around the U.S.!

Yikes to Finding Affordable Housing
Affordable housing is a struggle. In fact, it’s a crisis. These charts tell the story clearly and if there’s no change, it will affect poverty levels, the health of children, and the opportunity to help low-income families, among other issues.

Goat Yoga
I tried goat yoga! Ok, it was mostly me doing a little bit of yoga of being very distracted by the cute little goats wandering around. Their team placed goats on our backs during certain positions. If you want to try it, check out GOGA in Austin!

Ghosting Hurts
I’ve been ghosted and I’ve ghosted others. From not answering the texts of guys I went on one or a few dates with to friends I was very close with, ghosting causes real hurt, especially when the nostalgia of close friendships are remembered. This article gives some explanation about why. When life gets busy and friendships naturally grow apart, is that ghosting or does the act of ghosting need to be a sudden end? Have you ever been ghosted?

Recycle Right!
All plastic is recyclable, right? Not quite! Check out this article for some things that aren’t. Rule of thumb – no food products and wax linings.

Death
I read Thrive by Arianna Huffington and one of the most interesting parts of the book was when she talked about death. (This article talks a little about it.) How would our lives and emotional selves be healthier if we talked more openly about death? We tend to tip-toe away from the awkward conversations and possible emotions but maybe if we talked about it more, it wouldn’t be so scary and grief would look differently. Maybe death wouldn’t feel so devastating if we have an open community built around supporting those who grieve. Yes, we’ll still feel undeniable grief but the way we help others through grief and the way we grieve might not be so taboo or awkward.

What’s got you captivated lately?

P.S. Did you see our weekend trip to Wimberley we took recently?

You can find me on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Bloglovin’. You can also subscribe to the exclusive email list.

The post Captivations v48: Finding Yourself appeared first on Fearless Captivations.