I promise that even with all of these very detailed wedding posts, Will and I were very laid-back in our planning. We learned through wedding planning that it’s better to let people know what you prefer than to have them guess and it’s not what you want. Sometimes people just don’t know or don’t want to ask.
Everyone’s wedding is different. Ours was in-between formal and casual. We wanted our wedding to be comfortable but we also wanted it to be a special, semi-formal occasion. Because of that, we had set guest count deadlines and seating charts, which made things a little less flexible. We were also thankful to have a day-of coordinator that handled everything on our wedding day, giving us more freedom to enjoy the day! (It’s one of my must-have things!)
From planning our wedding, I learned so much that will make me an excellent guest in the future! I didn’t realize a wedding guest could prevent some of the stresses and help the bride and groom out so much. So, I’ve gathered eight tips from our experience as bride and groom, my experience as a wedding guest, and recommendations from other people to help you be a better wedding guest!
1. Send in your RSVP on time.
Our biggest stress of wedding planning was getting the final guest count and chasing RSVPs. The final guest count is required at least two weeks before the wedding by multiple vendors for food preparation and final bills. This is also needed for event set-up and seating charts. Be responsible and send in your RSVP ASAP or at least by the noted deadline! If you lose your invite or can’t figure out the wedding website, send a text or call with your RSVP before the deadline. Any communication to let the bride and groom know is helpful! Otherwise, they will be contacting you for confirmation.
2. Don’t bring an uninvited plus one.
Yes, having a plus one makes it less awkward for you as a guest, but don’t assume you have a plus one. Make sure your wedding invitation says “and guest” or ask the bride and groom. This goes for bringing your kids also. Bringing someone unexpected on the day can throw off seating charts, food quantity, and more. If you’re not sure if you get a plus one, ask!
3. Tell the bride/groom about an RSVP change ASAP.
If your RSVP changes (i.e. you or your plus one can no longer come or you’re bringing a different plus one), tell the bride and groom directly ASAP! One guest got a new boyfriend after she sent in her date’s name, and we almost printed the wrong name on the seating chart, which would have been awkward. Understandably, last-minute emergencies happen, but contact the bride and/or groom directly. I’m baffled by guests who RSVPed yes but never showed up and who we haven’t heard from!
4. Give a thoughtful gift.
It’s a special time in a bride and groom’s life. Even if they request money as a gift (cash funds aren’t tacky!), a thoughtfully written card means so much. We loved reading all of our cards together the morning after the wedding.
Weddings are expensive (as this wedding budget post shows), and I immediately want to go back and give more appropriate gifts! While a bride and groom don’t plan to “make back” what they spent, being invited to a wedding is a gracious and love-filled gesture. Wedding websites say the average range for a wedding gift is $50-150 per person, depending on how well you know the person. Close friends and family typically give $100-200 per person.
If the couple has a bridal or couples shower before the wedding, etiquette says you should bring a gift to both events. I had no clue! In this case, take the total amount you want to spend and give 40% for the shower gift and 60% for the wedding gift.
Sticking to the registry is highly recommended, though we received some thoughtful, personal items we love. Two of the unexpected, off-registry gifts we got were a wood lazy susan with our last name branded on it and a handmade quilt.
5. Wear the Suggested Attire.
Wedding formality differs from casual attire on the beach to formal ballgowns. The attire is usually stated on the wedding invite or website. Ultimately, the bride and groom want you to be comfortable, which is why they tell you what to wear! We knew it might be hot during our ceremony, so we let our guests know it would be outside and to wear cooler fabrics. Do not wear white or try to upstage the bride with your outfit!
6. Do not contact the bride or groom on the wedding day before the ceremony.
This is more for your sake than theirs. Chances are, the bride and groom are not looking at their phones regularly, so you’ll get a delayed or no response. They may also be stressed and taking care of last-minute tasks, and you don’t want to make them feel more stressed. Make sure you have the venue and wedding details days in advance! Don’t let them know you’ll be late.
Send wishes, photos, or a fun anecdote from the event when you get home or the morning after. From my experience, it was fun to read through all the messages the next morning. How else would I have known that one of our friends disappeared from the venue and came back with dumplings for his table? đŸ˜€ We were also excitedly awaiting photos from our photographer so photos to hold us over were appreciated!
7. Arrive early.
Do not be that person walking in as the bride is about to make her entrance! Arrive at least 10 minutes before the time on the invitation. While wedding schedules have extra time built in, make everything less stressful by not being late. If you are late, enter slowly and look for an usher or wedding planner to guide you to the right place at the right time.
8. Don’t be afraid to approach the bride and groom.
Yes, everyone wants their attention, but they also want to give you theirs. It’s a joyous day exploding with so much love, and it’s also a whirlwind. It’s meaningful to get at least a few minutes to say hello. I wish we had gotten to chat with every guest, and I hate looking at our photos and thinking hmm, I never met this friend of Will’s or remembering seeing friends in the crowd but never getting to talk to them.
The moments I remember and love are when friends came up to us during dinner and on the dance floor. Since we had a wedding coordinator, I think we had fewer responsibilities and more time to spare. Taking pictures with the bride and groom is great too, especially when you send them later. We couldn’t wait to see moments from our best day!
Conclusion
Celebrating with our friends and family was the second best part of our wedding day! We could have done without some of the stresses, but we really had it easy when it came to planning and the day of.
Do you have any wedding guest tips? Share them below!
P.S. To see the details of our wedding day, check out this post or see the tag for all my wedding posts.
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