Have you ever been let down by not managing expectations? Maybe as a blogger, you expected to publish a certain amount of blog posts a month. Or as a parent, you expected your kid to behave at the store. As an employee, you expected to finish a project on time. Maybe as a friend, you expected support and encouragement from others in a time of need.
I think the majority of my stresses come from not managing my expectations. I usually have high expectations for myself, others, and experiences. It’s easy to expect the best outcome or the outcome I’ve imagined in my head. We build up outcomes in our head all the time, with the help of movies, observations, and past experiences. In an ideal situation, people cater to your needs and can read your mind, you’ll be given a “yes” instead of a “no” every time, and traffic jams doesn’t exist.
Managing expectations happens in relationships, work life, daily tasks, and goals. Here are some examples from my life:
- Situation: Romantic comedies show me guys who are SOOOO thoughtful, waiting on hand and foot, giving perfect surprises, and planning swoon-worthy dates all the time.
- Reality/Outcome: Consistent quality time and meaningful connection matter more than what they show in blockbuster movies. Does this picture-perfect guy exist?
- Situation: A part of my day job includes responding to online reviews for our hotel. One review explained that everything worked but commented that she gave an average rating because nothing was “special.”
- Reality/Outcome: What is special?
- Situation: EVERYONE has been talking about this buzz-worthy restaurant in town. It’s won awards and gained a lot of new fans who can’t stop talking about it.
- Reality/Outcome: I eat there and it’s lackluster.
- Situation: I have 20 items on my blog to-do list this weekend and I’m definitely going to accomplish all of them!
- Reality/Outcome: I don’t.
- Situation: I’m excited to try a new yoga studio.
- Reality/Outcome: It wasn’t the workout I was expecting and I couldn’t concentrate during the whole class.
But remember how you feel when things DO meet your expectations, or even better, EXCEEDS them? Like when you discover a gem restaurant in your neighborhood, receive an unexpected gift or feel satisfied after watching the movie adaptation of your favorite book. It’s so delightful and it tends to make your day!
With a lot of thought and trial and error, here are some solutions I’ve found that can help manage your expectations.
1. Communicate!
Listen closely. Be transparent and honest. Talk about what you’re thinking and feeling because people can’t actually read your mind. If all the information is put out there and understood by all parties, there’s less of a chance for confusion or mistakes.
2. Get rid of assumptions and preconceptions.
If we weren’t such “know-it-alls” we would be more open to what we hear and experience. We make situations and others’ actions all about ourselves. Don’t assume something that isn’t communicated. It doesn’t hurt to ask to make sure. Don’t assume someone else’s feelings or motives. Remember someone’s opinion is their own, created by their unique background and experiences.
3. Set realistic goals and make plans.
When all parties are on the same page, you’ll know where you’re going and who’s responsible for what. Be realistic about what you can accomplish. You have a limited amount of energy, time, and resources. Instead of setting the goal (official or in your head) of the most amazing result ever, keep an open mind. The best party ever turns into taking meaningful quality time with at least one friend. The best dinner ever turns into discovering one new ingredient you like.
4. Check-in and report.
Reel it in. Go back to communicate and check-in. How’s the progress? Are you still on the same page?
It’s good to have expectations. It’s a standard you can work towards and hold accountable to, but we also need to remember to be realistic about the results to avoid disappointment and save our sanity!
So, what do I do?! Do I expect the worst out of every situation and person and get excited when it turns out better than I thought? Do I stop psyching myself up for experiences? Do I dial back my excitement, waiting for the not-so-pleasant backfire? It’s definitely a hard balance.
How do you manage your expectations?
Photo from Death to The Stock Photo
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