Finding yourself searching the internet for wedding-related questions? I did too! This post shares a bunch of the questions I asked and learned the answers to.
The answer to all of these questions is WHATEVER YOU WANT. We’re in a time where traditions are thrown out the window and new ideas are being accepted. There have also been so many additional “traditions” these days, it might seem like you have to do them. As the bride and groom, you get the final answer, first dibs, preferential treatment, etc. We all have different preferences. Do what you think is right and best for you as a couple.
These are some of the questions I wondered throughout my wedding planning. Here are 35 questions and answers to help make sure this season is sweet!
WEDDING EVENTS
Do I need to have an engagement party?
No. This is an extra opportunity to celebrate and some friends or family might want to throw one for you.
Do I need to have a bridal shower/couples shower?
This shower is another opportunity to celebrate and to get gifts. It’s not necessary but sometimes family and friends want to throw one for you.
Do I need to have a bachelorette or bachelor party?
This event is to celebrate the big change coming to your life. It’s a great excuse to get together with your closest friends and do your favorite things. It can be as simple as a dinner or as extravagant as a weekend trip away. If you’re planning an Austin bachelorette party, see this huge guide. (I really enjoyed my weekend away with the girls! See it here.)
Who plans the bachelorette or bachelor party?
Typically your maid/matron of honor and best man lead the charge with help from the rest of the bridesmaids/groomsmen. Your other guests might be asked to pitch in. You could give your planners a list of preferences and have them schedule and book everything or some brides/grooms plan the whole shindig themselves. It depends on how much of a planner you are.
Do I need a rehearsal?
A rehearsal is a run-through so that everyone knows what to do during the ceremony, like where and when to walk in. This includes the bridesmaids, groomsmen, the father of the bride (or whoever is walking the bride down the aisle), and the officiant. The wedding planner typically leads the rehearsal, which can take about an hour. Many do this the night before the wedding day but you can also go through it a few hours before the wedding, typically separately so that the bride and groom don’t see each other.
Who pays for a rehearsal dinner?
Tradition says the groom’s family pays for the rehearsal dinner. This event is typically the day before your wedding day and after the rehearsal at your venue.
Who is invited to the rehearsal dinner?
Immediate family, bridesmaids and their dates, groomsmen and their dates.
What is a first look?
While the tradition is the bride and groom don’t see each other until the bride is walking down the aisle, some prefer a first look. This is scheduled after each has gotten into their wedding attire. It’s great to calm nerves and take a moment with each other before the ceremony. It also gives you more time to take pictures so you can spend more time with guests after the ceremony.
What is a first touch?
Similar to a first look, the bride and groom will spend time with each other before the ceremony. They don’t see each other but will hold hands, usually separated by a door or corner, and have a quick chat.
Who walks the bride down the aisle?
Traditionally, it is the bride’s father, but it can be anyone the bride wants, from a father figure to both father and mother.
WEDDING PLANNING
When do I need to send my save-the-dates?
Save-the-dates are typically sent six months before the wedding.
When do I need to send my wedding invitations?
Wedding invitations are typically sent three months before the wedding.
Do I need to send my save-the-date and invitation through the mail?
While snail mail is traditional, printed items and postage add up. Traditional paper invitations include a pre-stamped return address envelope for the RSVP. There are many websites that provide easy digital invitations and RSVPs to help decrease your costs. No matter what you do, you’ll likely be chasing RSVPs at the last minute. (I used Zola for our website, RSVPs, and more, and it was so helpful!)
Do I need wedding programs?
If you’re having a long ceremony, a program might be nice for guests to follow along. You could also opt for a sign on the welcome table with the program. The program is also for guests to know the wedding party.
Who should I ask to be in my wedding party?
Who are your best friends? Who has had a big impact on your life? Who has supported your relationship throughout its existence? Who do you see yourself spending time with in 10 years? Who can be helpful in your wedding planning?
What do the maid of honor and best man do?
At the least, they help keep you calm and they’re your right-hand person on your wedding day. They also help plan pre-wedding events like a bachelor or bachelorette party, if you choose to have one.
Do I need to have a flower girl and/or ring bearer?
No, but if you do, you’ll need to think about covering the costs for their attire and buying the items they’ll use during the ceremony (pillow or sign for ring bearer? basket and flower petals for the flower girl?). These roles are typically filled when there are important kids in your life. If you opt-out of this, have your maid of honor and/or best man hold your rings.
Who should I invite to my wedding?
Decide on a guest list count and stick to it! It’s easy to add people here and there and get out of your budget. Also, include kids into your guest count. Similar to picking your wedding party, invite people who have a meaningful relationship with you and/or you as a couple.
Should I include kids at my wedding?
You’ll need to count kids in your guest count for food and a space at the table. Caterers usually have a separate kids count or if you are very accommodating, you can get a separate kids menu. On the other hand, your guests might want to have your wedding as a “parents’ night out” and decide to hire a sitter instead. This is especially true if it’s not an out-of-town wedding for them.
Do I need a wedding theme?
It depends on where you’re getting married and your interests. Some couples pick certain colors. If you’re getting married in a remodeled barn, you might want rustic décor to match. Big fans of Star Wars (or whatever your interest) might have elements throughout their weddings like songs and costumes.
What types of traditions should I add to my wedding day?
Ask your family for input. My Chinese family added plenty of traditions to my wedding day.
Do I need a seating chart?
Seating charts save guests from awkwardness and is necessary if you have an exact number of tables and seats. It can be a pain, but your venue should be able to provide space maps to help you.
What is a venue walk-through?
We did a venue walk-through with our wedding coordinator and the venue manager about a month before our wedding. We went through the wedding day and talked through different details and set-ups. This is a great time to add last-minute tasks (like additional decor) on your schedule. This walk-through is especially helpful for you and your wedding coordinator to be on the same page, so that your day is stress-free.
What tools can I use to make wedding planning easier?
I relied heavily on my Wedding Wire and Zola accounts. See all the details about my must-haves here. I also highly recommend a day-of coordinator if you are a planner and a wedding planner if you are not a planner.
ATTIRE
Who should I take with me when I go dress shopping?
It’s much more fun if you have at least one person with you when you go dress shopping. You may want to schedule a day/time where your mom, sisters, and/or bridesmaids are available. It can be an overwhelming process but it can also be a lot of fun playing dress-up.
Do I need alterations and what do I need to bring to my alteration fitting?
Yes, you’ll need alterations to make sure your dress fits perfectly. You may need fewer alterations if your dress is custom made but alterations will make sure you’re not stepping on your dress or constantly adjusting it on your wedding day. My dress was a close fit but they took in the waist a bit and shortened the shoulder straps. Since it wasn’t a custom dress, the hem was very long, plus it had many layers and needed eight bustles! You’ll need a bustle if you want the train during the ceremony but need it shorter for the reception.
At your fitting, bring shoes and undergarments you’ll wear. They will tailor your dress around these items. Choose comfortable shoes early! You’ll likely have at least two fitting appointments – one to determine alterations and one to ensure your alterations are perfect. After final alterations, the shop typically steams your dress for you so that it’s good to go.
What are the most comfortable wedding shoes?
Flats! Try to have shoes in mind before getting your dress and definitely have them when you do alterations. If you want to be taller and comfortable, wear wedges. I wore this pair from Nine West.
Do I need to wear a veil and garter?
No. Wear a veil if you prefer how it looks with your dress. You are likely only going to wear it during the ceremony. Having a veil also gives you the option of artsy veil photos. Instead of a veil, you could have some hair accessories. A garter is needed if you will be doing a bouquet and garter toss, and you can put it on right before that happens.
Do I need multiple white outfits?
No. If you don’t wear white, I’m sure everyone will still remember you’re the bride. 😉 I didn’t use it myself, but I like Rent the Runway’s selection of white dresses.
MISCELLANEOUS
What should I gift my bridesmaids/groomsmen?
Some ideas include wedding attire, hair, and makeup, travel costs, robes, jewelry, a bottle of wine, or other edible treats. You don’t have to get everyone the same thing or do it in the same way. Customize it to the person. What would be most meaningful for that person? Be mindful of your budget.
Should I go to pre-marital counseling?
Going to counseling with your future spouse is a recommended step before marriage. Research this months in advance! Counseling will help you work through unforeseeable issues and help form or continue the habit of open communication. Churches typically require this before you use their church as your venue and many churches also offer free or low-cost classes or workshops. The SYMBIS and PREPARE/ENRICH assessments are popular tools for pre-marital couples and you can find certified facilitator/therapists on their website. While pre-marital counseling can be costly (my research in Austin found $140-175 for a 50-minute session), you may get a discount on your marriage license and your health insurance may cover it. Some counselors offer a four or eight-time package. If you’re in Texas, see the TwogetherinTexas website for more info.
What should I do if my mom/uncle/family member wants/thinks XYZ?
What is their request and is it reasonable? How much does their opinion matter in the grand scheme of things? Who is getting married? (It’s you, not them.) While people who contribute financially to your wedding may be given a say, ultimately, do what makes you and your fiancé happy. That should be all that matters on your wedding day. Everyone will have opinions and you can’t please everyone. Do your best, but don’t let their opinions stress you out or make you disappointed.
Where should I go for my honeymoon?
Research places that are good for your time of year. It might be best to pick a resort that’s easy to get to (short flight) so you can relax after the wedding. Pick a place both you and your soon-to-be husband/wife will enjoy. You don’t have to go on your honeymoon right after your wedding. Some wait a few months after the wedding stress subsides.
What are those things the bride has to have on her wedding day?
Old, new, borrowed, blue. It’s a tradition that symbolizes good luck. I had “old” underwear, a new dress, borrowed earrings, and blue toenails.
How do I pay for this wedding?
Start saving! Don’t expect to “make back” what you spend on your wedding and don’t think of it this way! On average, guests spend $75-150 on a gift and sometimes that’s per couple. Plan your wedding further out in time so you have more time to save. Parents or family members may offer to help with costs. Look for ways to save.
Wow, planning a wedding is a lot. Should I elope instead?
When it comes down to it, it’s about the couple. If planning a wedding is too much, maybe you should consider eloping and celebrating with friends and family in a more low-key way. For eloping in Austin, check out this website.
Have more questions or want to share additional advice? Leave a comment below!
P.S. You can see all my wedding posts here!
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